Mic check...123...is this thing on?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e9SeJIgWRPk&feature=youtube_gdata_player

Vacation...sorta

Did you miss me?  I missed me.  I haven't been able to sit and be one with my thoughts in nearly a week.  It's been super busy with back to school and work.  I took a very part time job at Macy's after I quit working full time to bring in a little money but mostly for a discount.   I had forgotten how crazy back to school shopping can be!!  Note to parents:  If you take your kids shopping, watch them.  Don't let them run a muck in the stores.  They make a mess and more importantly they can get lost.  If I can't send my child to your house to throw your things around and expect you to pick up after her, don't let your children do that in a store.  Teach them manners and how to be respectful of others and their time. (Okay, Rant over.)    

Any who...this is my little heads up that I will be taking this week off from blogging unless something must be shared for my sanity.  My husband is off the rest of the week and we plan to enjoy the last week of summer with our kiddo.  I can't believe how fast it has flown by and I have mixed emotions that that's over.  I'm sad that it's time for school again and my kid will be gone all day but then I'm happy that it's time for school again and my kid will be gone all day.  :) Thank God for great teachers.  I'll be praying for them because if I'm tired of my one child at the end of a wild day, I can only imagine how exhausted they are with 20+ kids.   

 

Here's to a great year for everyone!  Be blessed.  

When In Doubt, Count Your Blessings.

Okay, yesterday I was a little hard on myself with the whole honesty is the best policy thing, so today I'm going to keep it light and breezy.  "I'm breezy."  (5 points to those who know where that's from.)

I think anytime you are truthful with yourself and it feels like you've been smacked in the face with reality, you MUST take a few moments and remind yourself what is so good about your life.  Here we go...

10 Things About Me that I'm Thankful For:

1. I can find the "bright side" in any situation:  I know I've said this before but I will say it again; Find the bright side no matter what.  Yesterday's bright side was knowing that I'm not alone on the bottom step.  In fact, I had so many people reach out to me and say they were "lazies" or loved a lazy that I think we are going to need a bigger step.  Party on the bottom step!!  
2. I have great friends and family:  This is kinda like reason #1 but I have to make mention of these people.  You guys rock.  You contacted me so fast yesterday, I was beginning to think you thought I was on the top step about to jump!  Thanks for having my back.  Don't worry about me, I'm good.  
3. My body isn't the best but I have good boobs:  They hide a multitude of sins and make my waist look smaller.  Anytime I go out I hoist those bad boys up so high they take the focus away from my fat ass.  Heck, I may start teasing my hair next because I've heard the "bigger the hair the smaller the hips."  Work with what you're working with.  
4. I'm alive and healthy: Only health issues I've had in awhile was a little random ringworm and a few colds.  Thank God.  Count your blessings.  
5. I'm a good mom:  My daughter has no worries whatsoever.  No matter how stressed or grouchy I become my child is just as happy as can be.  My shit isn't her shit and I'm so thankful to continue to keep the two things separated.  
6. My husband is the bomb:  He's funny, sweet and has the biggest heart.  He loves me as I am and only wants the best for his family.  Who could ask for more?
7. I take criticism well and learn from it:  Sometimes it takes some tough love to get the wheels in your head cranking and light a fire under your ass so you can start to move.  It may not be easy to hear, especially when it's coming from yourself, but it's necessary.  I can't just whine about it, I have to learn from it.  "I are learning!"  (That's for you Jeanne!) 
8. I'm creative:  I love to create things.  Just give me good music, supplies and an hour and I will MacGeyver crap into crafts.  Just add glitter.   
9. People think I'm funny: I get the biggest high out of making people laugh.  The only person that doesn't think I'm funny is my husband and now it is my life's mission to make that man laugh.  On the rare occasion that he does laugh at something I've said, I'm so happy about it, I automatically bust out into dance that it ruins the whole moment.  Once he stops laughing, I feel like a 2 year old who's out of bubbles.  "What?  It's over?  But...but...wah!!!!"  I need help.  
10. I think I'm funny:  Sometimes I laugh at what I'm going to say before I even say it.  Sometimes I think it's so funny, I don't say it at all because I want to keep it for myself.  It's that good.  I literally crack myself up.  As long as I think I'm funny, it really doesn't matter what anyone thinks of me and that's the truth.  I'm my own best friend and I'm happy just being me.  

Oh, here's where "I'm Breezy" came from.  Best episode of Friends...ever.  A big High 5 to those of you who got it quick.  I knew I liked you!  ;)  

Recurring themes...

There is one theme that keeps presenting itself over and over again when I write and I know I've said it before but I will say it again.  

"Hi, my name is Andrea and I'm lazy."   

It's really annoying to my friends and families but it's also infuriating to myself.  Let's be clear, I'm speaking for myself but I'm sure some of my fellow lackadaisical folks would agree with what I'm about to share.

For years "they've" been saying admitting you have a problem is the first step but I've never heard them say what the second step is?  I can picture all of us lazy people just standing around on that metaphorical first step just waiting around for someone to say what to do next, because we aren't going to do it ourselves.  

Most "Lazies" would never admit to being the "L" word, because that would mean we are also admitting issues with ourselves.  To be honest, it's a lack of self esteem.  Somehow, I just don't believe in myself enough to try.  Something in me is so afraid to do anything I'd rather just do nothing.  My unmotivated self is almost paralyzed by fear.  

Laziness and hopelessness can go hand in hand.  Me, hopeless?  Not little miss peppy.  It's true.  I certainly can talk a good motivational talk but I must admit that I definitely do not walk the walk.  I want to change this about myself because I know I have a problem but I have no clue and sadly, because I'm lazy, I have no desire to change it.  It's a vicious cycle.  All of this is what's behind my "fake it till you make it" mentality.   

It's why I keep asking the question, "now what?"  I really have no idea what to do next?  I'm scared, stuck, and it's really pissing me off.  Hell, maybe I just need a good shrink.  What I can tell you with sincere certainty is, this is something I never would have said out loud had I not been on a quest for myself.  Every time I come into this little room and begin my time of self reflection, I decide to let my fingers do the talking, I walk out a little lighter, I stand a little taller and I breathe a little easier.  It has been beyond cathartic for me.  

So what I'm trying to say is, please don't give up on me because I'm trying not to give up on myself.  I know I will write the same thing over and over again until I can't say it anymore.  I will spew it until it's all gone.  I'm purging.  Yes, I'm going to continue to be self deprecating and bitchy because I'm just a miserable old gal trying to get the crap out so I can be who I know I can be.  Bear with me.  I'm trying to let it all go, one day at a time.  

I can't wait until the day I wake up completely motivated and sure that what I'm doing with my life is exactly right.  I haven't had that feeling yet but I know I'm on my way.  

If you know someone in your life that is lazy and unmotivated, ask yourself, "Have I hugged a lazy today?"  

Gone swimming

Taking advantage of the last few days of summer.  Enjoy your day!! 

Where were we? Oh yeah, still here.

It's Monday.  Time to get your groove on.  But if you are like me, you probably don't want to. Sometimes it's so hard to just get motivated to do anything.  It's a flaw, a defect, a curse.  My mother says it's genetic.  My biological father had the same lack of interest.  How wonderful.  I've got my mother's nose and my father's lazy ass.  Not exactly a winning combo.  Why couldn't it have been the other way around?  My father's nose and my mother's "Get up and go" attitude?  God is full of jokes.  :)

Unfortunately for me, I married a guy with a real gusto for life and getting things done.  He takes no prisoners. Unfortunately for him, he has "no gusto" for my gusto, and his daughter has his wife's, biological father's lazy ass.  We hang with the prisoners and chill.  Double whammie.  Poor guy.  It drives him crazy.  But the "crazies" make life fun. 

Today we have much to do.  Finish the school supply shopping, look for the perfect shoes to go with my kiddo's perfect first day of school outfit and find a suitable lunch container for a 4th grader.  She will not be taking a lunch box because that was so "3rd grade."  (Insert eye roll here.)  This summer has flown by so fast and we are 2 weeks away from school and it's kinda breaking my heart.  My little child is changing.  She's grown up so much this summer.  She's taller, a little curvier, attitudier (yes, I know that's not a real word, but stick around and you'll be speaking Andrea too), and looks a bit older. 
Going back to school for her means one thing.  I have successfully completed my "summer of fun" and it's time to get back to reality.  But I don't wanna.  

Here we are 3 months from my first public blog post, 5882 page views later and I'm a heck of a lot calmer.  When I read my first entry, I get the panicky feeling all over again and I don't like it.   http://doesmybloglookfatinthis.blogspot.com/2013/05/well-hello-andrea.html That's not me any more.  I still have the same dreams but they are just dreams.  Sometimes they are not meant to come true.  There are better plans for your life that you simply didn't know were even possible.  I hope to look back at this year of writing and find myself in a completely different place mentally.  I don't want to look back and think I've wasted my time.  I don't ever want to feel the way I did the day I wrote that blog.  I refuse.  I won't bow and let the anxieties win.  I want to flip what my daughter calls the "not nice finger" at the fears of the unknown.  My plan is to take one day at a time and go on this journey balls to the wall.  (Hopefully my hubby won't figure out that I'm stalling getting a real job.)  Until then, I salute this Monday and those of you who have been on this ride with me since the beginning.  We are one day closer to fulfilling our destiny, whatever the heck it is.  

Secrets of the "Mama" sisterhood...

There is nothing more fun than reminiscing with your girlfriends about old, loser boyfriends, wild nights with the girls and reminding yourself of all the crazy things you did.  That is, unless your girlfriend is your mother.  FYI Mother, there are some stories you should never, EVER share.  :)

That being said, I hope my daughter will be as open with me as I am with my mother.  She knows WAY too much.  In fact, I told my mother the day I lost my virginity.  Who does that?  This girl does. When I was growing up I had two fears.  The Fear of God and The Fear of Josie.  Call it stupidity or call it guilt, I just call normal and part of my life experience.  I still don't know why I did that?  Was it because I wanted to share on my wonderful experience?  Hardly.  (Heehee, my brain went there, did yours?)   I think I did it because I had such regret and was left completely unimpressed.  Sorry to the boy who shall remain nameless but most of you know who he is.  You were a nice boy for the most part but did me wrong, in more ways than one.  ;)  Anyway, back to my mother's reaction, which was priceless.  She didn't yell or scream, she just called me stupid as she cornered me in the bathroom.  I remember my little brothers running around the background, blissfully unaware that my mother was freaking out and secretly praying to God that we used protection.  We did, and that pissed her off even more because the "wolf in sheep's clothing" had the whole thing planned in her eyes.  Did I dare tell her it was partly my idea?  No way!  I played the dumb, naive girl card, but I guess she knows now.  

As an adult, our relationship has evolved into a full blown sisterhood.  Yes, she's still my mother and I semi-fear her, but mainly she's my girl.  I can go to her with any issue or problem and she will immediately drop everything to help.  Unless, my middle brother calls first.  (Just kidding mom!)  My mother was a middle child and likes to remind people of that so when it came to her children's birth order she made sure we all felt like we were her favorites, regardless of not knowing our names.  Her mothering skills are rock solid and even though she yells constantly and irritates the crap out of us, there is usually a reason for the ridiculousness.  We love and appreciate her more than she realizes and reading this is going to totally warrant tears and a phone call from her that will make me feel slightly uncomfortable but loved at the same time. Shit, I just thought of something.  She's going to read this and think it's immediately necessary to go out and get matching bracelets like I have with my BFF!!  Simmer down homie, we have the same ass and nose.  That's more permanent than any bracelet can ever be.  

When I started this post, it wasn't my intention to pay tribute to my mother with a story about the "two pump chump" but it happened.  I'm not even sure she's going to share this with her friends out of sheer embarrassment that her daughter shouldn't have worn white on her wedding day.  (Gasp!!)  But I hope she does, so other women can evaluate their relationships with their mothers/daughters and ask themselves, "does my daughter tell me everything and have my actions warranted me knowing such?" or " how would my mom react if I shared a little more of myself with her?" 

Even though I'm going to freak if my daughter shares some of the things with me that I've told my mother, I'll know I did something right.  So far, I think we are on the right track.  Here's to my daughter gaining a "sister" in me.  


   

  

Uneventfully Delightful

Working on today's blog and it's taking longer than I anticipated.  It's so hard to just sit and write when there is tons to be done around here and little motivation.  We went to the pool this morning and the sun really kicked my butt.  I'm dragging now.  I showered and ran errands and plopped myself onto the sofa with my daughter and started watching The Chew.  Now I think I may take a nap and delay this until tomorrow.  Yup,  I've just decided.  I shall nap, then clean and finish laundry, make dinner and a cocktail and maybe watch a movie with my hubby later.  It will by uneventfully delightful.  

I will share my "Jam of the Day" with you though.  It's my favorite Sara Bareillis song off her new album, "Blessed Unrest."   Enjoy it.  Now go and be just like you.  :)

Captain and Te-Nelly?

Why do people live their lives walking around waiting for the next bad thing to happen?  I'm married to one of them.  I have lovingly bestowed upon him the title, "Captain Negativo," because "something bad is going to happen, I just know it!"   As much as I love this man, he is a "half empty" kind of guy.  It's almost cute the way he dwells on the possibility of impending doom...almost.   It's more exhausting than cute.   

So to my surprise, I received the following text from the Captain, "I'm having a good day, so I thought I'd pass it on to you. :)"  He even included an emoticon?  What??  Did he win the lotto?  Nope, he was simply having a good day and thought it was worth sharing with me.  See?  He DOES love me.  He knows that the little things in life make me the happiest.  Sharing a smile or a funny joke can change your whole mood.   

Yes, I know I'm guilty of being a Negative Nelly in this blog but it's my way of sharing my inner dialogue with you.  If we are being completely honest, I too have problems filling the "cup" more than half way but I fake the crap out of my cup filling abilities.  Some may say I'm lying to myself, but I swear it works.  For the most part, in real life I try my best to be a positive light among the "Captains" of the world.  I shine so bright to balance the dark so I don't live in the shadows.  The shadows are a cold and gloomy place and I don't need to go there.  

Being positive takes a great deal of effort but after awhile you start to believe it.  It's not just in the words you choose, but actions as well.  I tell my daughter all the time to watch her behavior and sometimes quite frankly, I need to watch my own.  There are many days that I want to punch a loved one right in the mouth, or slap the snot out of a stranger but again, it's a decision.  A hard one, but it's a decision.  Sometimes it's a daily struggle.  I wake up and have to decide whether or not I'm going to let the shadows win.  

Today they've lost.  But the day's still young.  :)

   

The New Tween in Town

When I was a teenager, 30 seemed so old and so far away.  Why is it that I don't feel a day over 18 but I'm 35? 

Being in my 30's isn't what it's cracked up to be.  I'm using wrinkle cream with a side order of Clearasil.  I have grey hair but still have to shave my legs all the time.  I sweat like a beast by day but am freaking cold at night.  It's like a combo platter of cray cray.  

There needs to be a name for this age group.  I think the 30's are the new "tweens."  Young people think we're old and old people look at us like we're idiots.  We can buy our own drinks and are comfortable being out with just our girls but way too old to dance in a cage.  I've seen you out there 30 year old ladies, please stop it.  You look ridiculous and people are laughing at you thinking, "she dances like my mom."   

Plus, we don't have any positive role models our own age.  Just look at the some of the whacked out celebrities splashed all over the media who supposedly "represent" us.  I did a search for women in the media in their 30's and I was alarmed at the list.  I will share a few.  

• Kim Kardashian?  Really?  Ugh, no thank you.  
• Britney Spears?  I'm sorry, if you have a 5150 attached to your name, I refuse to look up to you. 
•  Angelina Jolie?  Okay, maybe her humanitarianism can outweigh the alleged adultery but she still rubs me the wrong way.
•  Alicia Silverstone?  She feeds her kid like a bird, as in mouth to mouth.  Enough said.

Where are all the sophisticated 30 year old women in this world?  I bet they're like me, looking in the mirror freaking out, covering their grey, slathering the zit cream and Philosophy's Hope in a Jar all while doing their Kegels.  That's all I'm going to say about that.  :)

It's time to take back our age group and be our own role models for the sake of our children and ourselves.  No more letting celebrity influence our likes and dislikes.  It's about us.  Being the best women we can be, taking no prisoners and flying by the seat of our pants.  Within reason of course.   Grow old gracefully.  Keep your head held high and let your inner confidence shine through.  And for goodness sake, please don't ever go out there and pull a Geraldo Rivera.  http://www.nydailynews.com/entertainment/gossip/geraldo-twitter-blames-nude-selfie-tequila-article.1406782   I'm sorry, 70 is not the new 50.  Sit down old man.  I bet your kids are mortified that the world saw your happy trail and we are not happy about it.

Bright Side

Okay, today has been a little chaotic and it's not even noon.  This is going to be short and sweet since I've got to get my butt in gear and get a moving and a shaking.  

I'm rushing to get out of the house but my mind won't stop.  It's annoying.  I need a secretary to follow me around and write my thoughts out so I can stop sending myself voicemails.  This morning what's heavy on my heart is appreciating the little imperfections and hiccups in the day.  There is always a silver lining or bright side to every situation.  I love finding those "bright sides" and actually look out for them when something isn't going my way. 

Today's "Bright side" is thanks to my laziness.  Yesterday it was my turn to bathe our dogs so I filled up the tub in our bathroom and washed the shit out of those little shih-tzu's.  Did I take their supplies out of the tub and put them where they go?  Nope, my lazy ass forgot and my smart ass husband didn't put it away to teach me a lesson.  Well, lesson learned.  Today I washed the shit out of myself.  I poured a big heaping mound of dog shampoo on to my loofa and proceeded to bathe and didn't realize it until I thought, "this doesn't smell right and it's not foaming??" When I looked at the bottle, I freaked and washed myself at least 5 times just to be safe.  Guess what the bright side was?  No Fleas and my summer coat is shinier than ever!!  :)

Find your Bright Side today.