"Hi, my name is Andrea and I'm lazy."
It's really annoying to my friends and families but it's also infuriating to myself. Let's be clear, I'm speaking for myself but I'm sure some of my fellow lackadaisical folks would agree with what I'm about to share.
For years "they've" been saying admitting you have a problem is the first step but I've never heard them say what the second step is? I can picture all of us lazy people just standing around on that metaphorical first step just waiting around for someone to say what to do next, because we aren't going to do it ourselves.
Most "Lazies" would never admit to being the "L" word, because that would mean we are also admitting issues with ourselves. To be honest, it's a lack of self esteem. Somehow, I just don't believe in myself enough to try. Something in me is so afraid to do anything I'd rather just do nothing. My unmotivated self is almost paralyzed by fear.
Laziness and hopelessness can go hand in hand. Me, hopeless? Not little miss peppy. It's true. I certainly can talk a good motivational talk but I must admit that I definitely do not walk the walk. I want to change this about myself because I know I have a problem but I have no clue and sadly, because I'm lazy, I have no desire to change it. It's a vicious cycle. All of this is what's behind my "fake it till you make it" mentality.
It's why I keep asking the question, "now what?" I really have no idea what to do next? I'm scared, stuck, and it's really pissing me off. Hell, maybe I just need a good shrink. What I can tell you with sincere certainty is, this is something I never would have said out loud had I not been on a quest for myself. Every time I come into this little room and begin my time of self reflection, I decide to let my fingers do the talking, I walk out a little lighter, I stand a little taller and I breathe a little easier. It has been beyond cathartic for me.
So what I'm trying to say is, please don't give up on me because I'm trying not to give up on myself. I know I will write the same thing over and over again until I can't say it anymore. I will spew it until it's all gone. I'm purging. Yes, I'm going to continue to be self deprecating and bitchy because I'm just a miserable old gal trying to get the crap out so I can be who I know I can be. Bear with me. I'm trying to let it all go, one day at a time.
I can't wait until the day I wake up completely motivated and sure that what I'm doing with my life is exactly right. I haven't had that feeling yet but I know I'm on my way.
If you know someone in your life that is lazy and unmotivated, ask yourself, "Have I hugged a lazy today?"
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