The other day I was thinking about my life, pondering my purpose and looking for answers. Well, to be honest I was full on "ugly crying", breathing heavily and freaking the eff out. I was having my very first mid life crisis. As I sat on the sofa crying like I just witnessed Shelby die in "Steal Magnolias" all over again, I reminded myself that I was "only" 35 and had plenty of time to figure out what I wanted to be when I grew up. That's when it hit me. Am I not grown up already? Are these little white sprouts infesting my head not gray hair? Who am I?
I don't know about you, but finding my dream and destiny has been difficult. I'm indecisive, unmotivated, and somewhat lazy. I can be judgmental, bitchy and obviously a little hard on myself. When the heck did that happen?
I remember being a young, spunky girl and with big, big dreams. I wanted to be the next Connie Chung for goodness sake!! Oh Connie Chung, how I loved you. You were all I ever dreamed of. You had great hair, a real news job, magnificent 90's pant suits and that tall, hot husband, Maury "You are NOT the Father" Povich. You had it all, girl. But how was I going to be you, if you were already you? Scratch that.
Then there was the time I wanted to be an Anchor for the comedy sketch "Weekend Update" on Saturday Night Live. (Sidebar: I am well aware that technically there's no such job. Nevertheless, I wanted it.) When I finally realized the only way to be the Anchor, I had to be a cast member of SNL first, I hatched a plan to move to NYC and audition for SNL. They were going to LOVE me. My audition piece was going to be hilarious. I would be so incredible that immediately I would be cast as the first "Goat Girl" aside Jim Breuer. (Google it mother, it did exist.) I even practiced my "MAAAAA's" but no, that bitch Pamela Anderson beat me to it. How dare she just show up and steal my thunder? Darn you Pam, in your teeny, red Baywatch bathing suit, fake boobs and ability to run in slow motion. You stole my dream job! How was I going to top that? Back to the drawing boards. Sigh, but what?
What about an astronaut like in the movie "Space Camp?" No, I'm afraid of heights and helmet hair. A teacher? No way, kids suck. A Doctor? Yeah right, boogers gross me out. Every day it seemed like I had a new dream. Those days turned to weeks, weeks to months and now it's been years since I've dreamed.
When did I become the bra-less mom on the couch? Wasn't I going to make it big? At one point I just knew I was going to be on Broadway, although I couldn't sing, dance or even act. It didn't matter. I was gonna be a star. Every night after my moving performance, I would stand center stage in my beautiful designer gown, gorgeous "flowy" Diana Ross hair circa 1983 when she sang in the rain in Central Park, spotlight on me, crowd cheering how wonderful I was at God knows whatever I had just done. It was going to be awesome.
Cut to today. I am literally sitting in my little office/hallway, with my family's dirty laundry tumbling in the dryer behind me, wearing pajama's all while tethered to a stupid call center headset. Talk about multi-tasking. I am even writing this blog in between calls for ugly t-shirts and shit. But you know what? This little blog really perked me up this morning. Even these old ladies gabbing in my ear can't get me down now.
Maybe my calling right now is to figure out who I am and just be me? Andrea. Not Connie Chung, "Goat Girl," or the unstoppable Diana Ross.
Well, here I go. I'm making a plan. I'm going to find out who I am. Take this next year and write about it. I will just have to step out of my comfort zone, try new things, go on adventures and I will let you know what I've come up with.
Here's to Andrea. Goodbye Connie.
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