Goodbye old friend.

I was catfished.  Well not just me.  It happened to me and many others.  Only we didn't fall in love.  We found a friend.  Or so we thought.  

I have been beyond preoccupied over the last few weeks trying to uncover the truth.  It has consumed me.  I not only feel like a fool, but I feel violated.  Who was this person that I trusted and befriended?  Well you know me, I didn't just sit back and let it go.  I found her.

Writing about this is actually quite embarrassing.  How did a 35 year old woman become a catfish victim?  It was innocent really.  In 2004, I joined an Ivillage.com message board for Stay at Home Moms.  I was a new mom who was scared, confused and looking for a safe place to vent and ask questions.  This was it.  Immediately, I felt a connection with the other mom's sharing their daily struggles of staying home with their young children.  We formed real friendships.  We prayed and rooted for each other, laughed and cried.  These connections have been going on since then.  I've met some in real life, talked to others on the phone and some even exchanged Christmas cards and ornaments that I still put on my tree each year.

There was one mom in particular, who seemed to have it all.  A great life, successful husband, and great kids.  The works.  She was a great support to everyone.  Funny, witty, and kind.  An all around great friend.  We became fast friends, shared emails, long chats, secrets and dreams.  Although I had a feeling something wasn't right, I ignored my intuition and continued a friendship with her because how could my friend, friend to everyone, do something so despicable as to lie about her identity?

Cut to three weeks ago and countless episodes of Catfish on MTV, I finally had the courage to trust my instinct and do a reverse image search just like Nev on the show.  Her pics were always too good to be true.  Yes, they were.  As I searched the first one, my heart sank and I felt sick to my stomach.  Fake.  It was stock photography.  I searched the next one.  Fake again, stock photography.  I frantically googled her name and it came up with endless fake online accounts she had created.  Who had I been communicating with for years?  Was she even a woman?  I couldn't believe, I, wife and mother, had been "Manti Te'oed."  Seriously?  I wanted to cry.

I felt ashamed at myself for not following the first rule of the internet.  Hell, it's the first rule you learn as a child practically.  Stranger Danger.  I let someone in and she hurt me.  The next thing I did was pour myself a big ass drink and sat at my computer and made the difficult decision to tell "the others."  Were they fake too?  I took a chance and reached out to my closest "imaginary friends" first.  Surprisingly, every single one of us doubted and voiced our feelings of uncertainty with Sofia but none of us had the balls to ask her.  We just could not fathom the idea of our trusted friend being a big, fat phony.

The next morning, word was spreading faster than the grey hairs on my head and one by one, Sofia's fake accounts were disappearing.  She knew.  She was busted and like a coward she walked away from her computer and left us all hanging.  No goodbyes or apologies.  Just sad little "Sorry, this page isn't available" messages from Facebook.  She was gone and there was nothing I could do about it because I didn't know who she was.  Shit, even Facebook had the decency to apologize.

Now, comes the fun part.  I went catfish hunting and I found her.  I know who she is, where she is, and what she does.  Thank God, my nosy ass knows how to think like a creeper because I used my skills to find her about 4 days.  The only thing I didn't find out was why?  Why would a seemingly nice girl with a nice life and beautiful family trick so many people?  Was it innocent fun that got carried away?  Or was she an evil bitch that just played games with great women.  I guess we will never know.

What I do know is this.  "Sofia", (I know your real name and I'm not going to share it out of respect for you and your family because I was a true friend to you), you NEVER had to be fake with any one of us.  We were all real with you and we all would have loved you just the way you are.  Imperfections and all.  You never had to be the perfect wife or mother, or have hunky husband that adores you.  All you had to be was you.  Now I know you probably will never share your reasons with me and honestly, I don't really want to know (okay, maybe a little), I just hope you learn from this and stop.  Too many people cared for you and are now, sadly mourning the loss of a friend, myself included.  I write this blog today as a way to turn the page on a small little chapter of my story.  I will be okay.  I am going to take the true friendships I made with these lovely women and cherish them.  Don't get me wrong, I do have high hopes for you.  I think deep down, you were the person I was talking to, just caught up in a bunch of unnecessary bullshit.  The "Sofia" I knew was a great person and I'm going to miss her.  

Tonight, when I pour my little glass of something something, I'm going to raise it up in the air then pour just a teeny bit on the ground for my homie Sofia.  May she Rest in Peace.  

Sofia

2004-2013