"Water" you waiting for? (Seriously, say it out loud)

 Lately I've noticed that I have been thinking about water in one way or another.  First on Facebook my status update said, "Watching "Eat, Pray, Love."  Best line, "If you want to get to the castle, you have to swim the moat."  For those of us in the moat, "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming." -Dory".  Then I started saying "hope floats" in my head over and over again and didn't understand why.  Then things started to get a little fishy.  (Sorry, I had to.)  I was complaining about how The Captain and I are constantly worrying about things that haven't happened and said, " It's like we freak out so much that we've put on our life jackets in the car on the way to "the boat."  When that happened I had to ask myself, "Self, what are you trying to tell me?"  I swear I heard, "Get off the boat!"    

What exactly is "the boat" and why do I continue to get on it over and over again?   Not following?  Do the phrases, "I'm on a sinking ship" or "I don't want to be in the same boat" sound familiar?  This damn metaphorical boat has been kicking my ass for years and it's a bunch of crap.  It tempts me to come aboard every time with it's majestic beauty, promise of adventure, sunshine and rainbows but all it does is make me sick.  Not to mention that I've been sailing "the seas" day after day, month after month, year after year and honestly, I'm going no where fast.  Stupid boat.  I hate you and I want off.  So what's a delusional girl to do?  Jump.  

Now what?  I've taken a leap of faith right into the mighty seas and now I have to no choice but to somehow manage to keep my head above water.  I'm cold, I'm wet and I'm not alone.  There are predators and obstacles to get past.  These predators come in the form of self doubt, fear and anxiety.  They surround you like hungry sharks just waiting for a weak moment to make their move.  But I have to make my move first.  There are only two choices before me.  Swim or wait for another boat?  This time I have to find a way to swim to shore.  No more treading water.  

I've been saying for years that I don't know what I want to be when I grow up. But I do know.  I want to be strong, I want to be fearless, I want to be hopeful.  I want to be the Diana Nyad* of my family that doesn't give up, that keeps persevering despite the odds, even if it takes me just as long to reach my goal.  I'm getting to that damn shore this time because I have hope and after all hope does float.  It's the only thing I have when I feel the waves crashing over me trying to take me down.  I may be down, I'm not out. 

Who's with me?  "Water" you waiting for?  


*Please watch Diana's story and remember to live "fully engaged."  

http://www.org/newshour/bb/sports/july-dec13/nyad_09-03.html