Oh deer, I think I've figured it out.

Some of you are probably thinking, oh no, not another Oprah/Motivation video.  Yes, it's Oprah and yes, it is motivational but I need to hear this again.  And again.

Watch this so we can discuss.

Do You Have a 10-Gallon Capacity for Love?

How many of you are "10-galloners" dealing with the pint capacity people?  How many of you like me are drawn to them or feel like you have been attracting them your entire life?  Like Jerry Seinfeld would say, "what's the deal with that?"

I'm the type of girl that wears her heart on her sleeve.  What you see is what you get.  I will love you unconditionally, I will fight for you and have your back.  Even if I don't agree with you or your decisions, I will still want only the best for you.  My love over flows and honestly, it kinda pisses me off.  Why?  Because sometimes I feel like I give more than I get.  

When I saw this Life Class episode last week I had the biggest revelation.  I am destined to give my excess, otherwise I wouldn't have it.  Here was the biggest shocker - it's never been about me.  It is about the person who needs it.  They were placed in my path for a reason, whether or not they have caused me pain because, say it with me, there is purpose for the pain.  So I, as a 10 gallon person need to quit my bitching and love like I want to be loved because that's how God loves me.  Yes, I know I said a bad word and God in the same sentence but that's how I talk so don't judge.  Love me on my level.  ;)  

There is something to this "love them on the their level" business.  It's eye opening and core shaking.  This whole time I thought I was getting nothing, I was actually getting everything they had.  It's just not the way I wanted it, because it's not about me.  Now, I'm not saying to make excuses for the person giving you so little.  Don't take just scraps and bits and pieces.  Just really look at what their giving because that may be everything they have.  It reminds of a time when I lived with my cousin Angela and our dog, Tasha went missing for a few hours.  When she returned home she brought a disgusting, half decomposed deer leg she found in the woods and placed it on the porch.  She sat by it proudly wagging her tail.  It was a gift because she loved us and that's all she had.  

Sometimes I may feel like gross deer legs are being dropped at my feet left and right, but from now on I'm going to accept them with a different attitude.  I'm going to examine them with an open heart and appreciate the fact that I was the person they chose to share their all with.  Their all may suck but if you've committed to them or are related to them, you need to suck it up and love them back.  Don't be angry with them, love them.  I never thought I would say this, but I WANT to be the person the pint people come looking for.   

I think it's time to find a new dorky picture of me because I'm growing up.  ;)  

Aha moment people!

Learning to use my GPS

Dang, I suck.  It's been well over a week since I've had an opportunity to sit and write.  So much is going on in this little head of mine and much has happened.  First I have added 2 little jobs to my already hectic life of leisure.  :)  I have a secret job I can't discuss because of it's nature but it's cooler than cool.   Second,  I babysit two kids every day after school for a friend before I go to work at the department store and try and convince people to buy shoes so I can make some money.  Don't forget I still have to maintain my two most important, permanent jobs, you know, nagging wife and over-bearing mother.  Those bad boys are my priorities and I can't let anything interfere with them.  So much for wanting to do nothing while I figure myself out.

On top of my "jobs," I am heading to Seattle in less than 2 weeks to pick up my BFF and bring her happy ass back home.  I can't wait to get away and hang with my homie.  It seems like only last year we were packing up the back of her SUV with 2 Golden Retrievers and hitting the open road heading for Seattle from San Antonio in 4 days.  Oh wait, that was only last year!!  We had such a great time laughing, singing and gabbing about everything under the sun as we cruised down the highways trying to figure out how to use cruise control.  I'm so excited I can't see straight!  Every day I wake up counting down the days.  10 days and counting, well technically 9 because it's already late tonight and if we don't count weekends it's only like 5.  Hopefully, this won't be us.



Needless to say, I can't believe how life has changed in the last few months.  Even though I'm working these ridiculous jobs, I'm beyond blessed to have this time to figure my crap out.  It's been a pain in the ass but like I always say, "there is purpose for the pain."  Everything happens for a reason, everything.  Even in-explainable, gut wrenching pain.  There is a lesson in there somewhere.  We just have to be willing to learn.  Here are 3 things I've learned so far: 

1. Make a plan and go for it.  Be brave and trust.
   
2. When you get lost you HAVE TO STOP and ask for direction.
   
3. Nothing is ever as bad as it seems and will ALWAYS work itself out.  Keep an open mind and an open heart and hold on because tomorrow is coming.
   

I kind of feel like I'm on a little road trip right now searching for a destination.  I need to pull out my GPS more often.   I'm not talking about a Tom Tom or a Garmin, I'm talking about the ultimate GPS.  God, Peace, and Surrender.  Here's to knowing how to use it.  

"Water" you waiting for? (Seriously, say it out loud)

 Lately I've noticed that I have been thinking about water in one way or another.  First on Facebook my status update said, "Watching "Eat, Pray, Love."  Best line, "If you want to get to the castle, you have to swim the moat."  For those of us in the moat, "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming." -Dory".  Then I started saying "hope floats" in my head over and over again and didn't understand why.  Then things started to get a little fishy.  (Sorry, I had to.)  I was complaining about how The Captain and I are constantly worrying about things that haven't happened and said, " It's like we freak out so much that we've put on our life jackets in the car on the way to "the boat."  When that happened I had to ask myself, "Self, what are you trying to tell me?"  I swear I heard, "Get off the boat!"    

What exactly is "the boat" and why do I continue to get on it over and over again?   Not following?  Do the phrases, "I'm on a sinking ship" or "I don't want to be in the same boat" sound familiar?  This damn metaphorical boat has been kicking my ass for years and it's a bunch of crap.  It tempts me to come aboard every time with it's majestic beauty, promise of adventure, sunshine and rainbows but all it does is make me sick.  Not to mention that I've been sailing "the seas" day after day, month after month, year after year and honestly, I'm going no where fast.  Stupid boat.  I hate you and I want off.  So what's a delusional girl to do?  Jump.  

Now what?  I've taken a leap of faith right into the mighty seas and now I have to no choice but to somehow manage to keep my head above water.  I'm cold, I'm wet and I'm not alone.  There are predators and obstacles to get past.  These predators come in the form of self doubt, fear and anxiety.  They surround you like hungry sharks just waiting for a weak moment to make their move.  But I have to make my move first.  There are only two choices before me.  Swim or wait for another boat?  This time I have to find a way to swim to shore.  No more treading water.  

I've been saying for years that I don't know what I want to be when I grow up. But I do know.  I want to be strong, I want to be fearless, I want to be hopeful.  I want to be the Diana Nyad* of my family that doesn't give up, that keeps persevering despite the odds, even if it takes me just as long to reach my goal.  I'm getting to that damn shore this time because I have hope and after all hope does float.  It's the only thing I have when I feel the waves crashing over me trying to take me down.  I may be down, I'm not out. 

Who's with me?  "Water" you waiting for?  


*Please watch Diana's story and remember to live "fully engaged."  

http://www.org/newshour/bb/sports/july-dec13/nyad_09-03.html

"Labor day" equals "leisure day" or just "every day "as I like to call it.

I've been MIA for nearly two weeks and have loved every minute of it.  Today is no exception.  I'm at the pool with my daughter and her bff, having a picnic with myself in the sun, people watching.  There is an old man to my right making out with a girl more than half his age, and an adorable appropriately aged couple singing to my left.   Neon Moon is playing in the distance and someone is bbqing something to perfection.  The only thing that would make this better would be if my husband was sitting here with me.  He's at the hospital with his Dad waiting once again for test results.  Keep him in your prayers. 

I'm so happy yo be able to share my adventures with strangers and loyal stalkers.  You know a who you are.   Tomorrow I plan on returning in full force.  I started working on it this  morning so until then enjoy your labor day by believing you are too blessed to be stressed.  Try not to frown, you'll get wrinkles.