8 Things I Say To Myself On a Daily Basis

1. "You are not hungry, you're bored."  Get a hobby, fatso.  You are not a competitive eater, you are not going to die if you don't eat the cookies you hid in the vegetable drawer so your family won't find them, and your lungs will thank you next time you have to walk up 3 flights of stairs.  Have a glass of water and take a deep breath.  It's all gonna be okay.
2. "Put your bra on BEFORE your husband sees you in the morning."  This is not for you, but for him.  He doesn't need to be reminded that your sad little bags are resting on your stomach.  Sometimes it's nice to hoist those lovely ladies up and put them back on the shelf where they once sat.  Plus it helps you stand up straight.  :)  It's a twofer.  
3. "Shut up!"  There are will come a time when you will want to tell your husband off, but know that Proverbs 31 frowns upon that.  Instead, bite your tongue and keep your mouth shut because it's not really worth it to verbally assault someone in their own home.
4. "Don't forget the..."  Find a place to put your things!!  You cannot continue to live like this, losing your sunglasses, keys, chap-stick, cell phone and etc. Someone needs to follow you around and whisper in your ear every time you leave.  "Pssst, hey you.  Your phone is on the counter in the bathroom.  Don't forget it or you'll feel incomplete all day!"  
5. "Call your mother before she calls you."  You know if you don't call her by 10 am, she will think you had a fight, are mad at her and now are dead in a ditch somewhere because your disagreement caused you to veer off the side of the road.  And your husband wonders why you are overly dramatic?  "I got it from my mama!"    
6. "Do the dishes now!"  You are not going to want to do them if you sit down to watch one of the 100 shows on your DVR.  No one is going to help, so leaving them there isn't going to help you.  It's just gonna piss you off in the morning when you see them.  Just do them and get it over with.  
7. "Hello Gorgeous!"  Not because you feel particularly that beautiful when you look in the mirror, but because you deserve to hear it sometimes.  Say it sarcastically until you believe it.  Hey, sometimes we have to "fake it till we make it?"  Right?
8. "You is smart, you is kind, you is important!"  Oh Aibileen from the movie, "The Help," you give the best advice.  We do need to remind ourselves everyday. We are smart.  We are kind.  We are important. And we don't have to be these things to anyone else but ourselves.

I was looking for a poignant way to end this blog entry today and the only thing that came to my sophisticated mind was Jerry Springer's famous closing line.  So I will borrow it from him because it fits.  "Be good to yourselves, and each other."