Face the facts

Trying to get motivated to do something you don't want to do is difficult.  For me that something is exercise.  I don't want to "move it, move it," shove my big boobs in a sports bra, and/or sweat.  I just don't wanna, but I know eventually I'm going to have to.  

Why is loosing weight so difficult and why do skinny bitches say, "it's not if you try?"  You know what little lady, you try going to the gym and not feeling like everyone is staring at you.  It's humiliating.  Here I am in my baggiest shirt, the faded workout pants I usually clean in, sweating like a pig on the treadmill, head down and you're wearing your cute motivational tees with matching tennis shoes running like Bo Derek with braids on the beach.  We get it.  You're perfect.  You're a "10."

I had a gym membership last year and went about 6 times before I gave up.  The first time I went with my friend.  That was really fun.  We talked the whole time so it went by very fast.  Only problem was, I was tried to act like I wasn't completely out of shape that I really over did it.  I couldn't walk for a week.  I could't even sit on the toilet without whimpering and walking was out of the question.  I wanted to use my office chair like a wheelchair but I had to act tough in front of my family so that was a "no go."  I think we went 2 more times together before our work schedules conflicted.  I tried to go it alone but felt so alone.  Go figure.  

I tried Zumba once.  That was the first time I remember feeling like an old lady.  When your 7 year old laughs at your dancing ablilities, while you think you look as sexy as you did in your twenties, I think it's time to step away from the Zumba toning sticks and call it a day.  Or at least, never take your kid with you again.  Though I wonder, if the fruit of my loins laughed at me, what were the other people thinking?  Zumba -1, Andrea-0.

The funniest thing I ever tried was strip aerobics.  I ordered a DVD from Amazon and when it came in the mail I was so excited.  I was gonna get hot by getting hot and sweaty.  Wrong!  This crazy under dressed lady expected me to use my kitchen chair in ways that it was not intended for.  Carmen Electra, you ought to be ashamed of yourself.  Naughty girl.  

That brings me to today.  What am I going to do about my big butt?  Certainly not sit on it.  I can't live with the "secretary spread" forever.  I'm think I'm going to put on my iPod and go for a walk.  I may call you to pick me up in 15 minutes but I'm going to at least try it.  Hopefully I will walk away the frustration and uncertainties in life.  Count my calories and my blessings.  Put on a happy face  and face the facts.  I'm only as old as I act.  Today, I'm going to act like I have it all together and get out in the world and take a giant leap of faith.  Greater things are coming.  I can feel it.  Do you think it would be okay to celebrate their impending arrival with cake?  No?  Okay, I'll go for a walk.   Make it a great day everyone.