For me it was this week when I quit my job because I couldn't take it any more. Now that I did it, I'm scared. Scared but excited to see what my future holds. I even took an online aptitude test to see what I was supposed to be doing with my life. You know what that crazy test told me? Be in a creative capacity like a writer, journalist or in advertising. That's what I was going to school for in the first place many moons ago. So why have I been wasting my time working for a call center. Short answer, bills.
Don't get me wrong, I do want to go back to school and finish, but again I'm scared. Scared to be the oldest lady in class using a backpack when all the "cool kids" are using a satchel. What if they won't want to be in my study group? When I was in college I took a writing class and one of my classmates was a Band Booster Parent from my High School marching band. I remember thinking how old he was with his beard and gray hair and pants pulled up to his armpits. Now that I think of it, he was my age now!! Okay, maybe he was a bit older but still. He did not fit in. Will they think I'm as nerdy as I thought he was? Mr. Archuleta, (Note to self: Don't introduce yourself as Mrs. So-and-So), would try so hard to fit in class by telling jokes about his time in "Nam". Mr. Archuleta, Vietnam was not a laughing matter. I just know I would be that lady talking about her love for Kirk Cameron and "Jem and the Holograms," that they would just stare at me like I was from another planet. The 80's.
When I started this blog I was on a mission to find myself. I don't really think I need to look any further. I don't want to be a puppeteer, a chef, stripper, Walmart Greeter or any of the things I put on the list of things to try. I've changed my mind and as a woman, it's my prerogative. Enter a Pre-Whitney, Dancing Bobby Brown. Oh no, another 80's reference. I'm screwed.
My "Ah-ha" moment leaves me wondering about everyone else out there reading this entry. What's your dream? What's your "I don't want to die a failure" thorn in your side? Some people just know off the bat what they are supposed to do with their lives some people don't want to tell what it is. I know I want to write. I don't know how, or for whom, or if Mr. Archuleta will be there by side. I just know I need to try.
Jump with me and post in my comments section what you want to try and take a leap of faith. Put it out there in the universe and let's see what happens. Jump! Jump!! Jump!!! I dare you to and make it a great day! :)
2 comments:
Very thought provoking. I am on that path as well in my own way. I'm 36 and I finally figured out ehat I want to do when I grow up. I'm proud of you for taking this step. Being scared is normal. This life is your new norm. You're adjusting to it.
"Set a goal so big that you can't achieve it until you grow into the person who can" I love that quote and I hope it inspires you. Taking risks is a scary thing, so is putting yourself out there for the world to judge but the reward is it can inspire someone in ways you don't even know and so to think that someones life is better because you took a chance makes it so worth it. I think this blog is great and I look forward to reading it in the morning.
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