Who's the Asshole now?

Ever want to smack the shit out of someone but don't want to see them hurt at the same time?  If it weren't "frowned upon," I think I'd punch my husband in the face right now.  Not because he's done anything wrong, but just because.  Just because every single thing he is doing tonight is putting me in the mood for a little Alanis Morrisette and a mandatory timeout.  I'm not even on my period.  I'm just bitchy.  Whatcha gonna do about it?  Huh?

I swear if he looks at me, I'm going to flip out.  Just leave me alone please.  I'm in a mood and I can't even figure out why?  Maybe I'm sleep deprived, or stressed.  Maybe I need a day off?  Remember when I didn't even have a job?  Ha!  That's what started this whole mess.  Now look at me?  Complaining  just to complain.  And about my wonderful hubby who took the week off work so our kid had someone to hang out with while she was on Spring Break.  "Wonderful" my ass.  I bet he did it to piss me off by showing me his ability to clean and organize and remind me that I suck at it.  God, he's annoying.  If he's annoying, then what's my problem?  I know!  Let's play my favorite game-"Analyze the Asshole."  Only this time, I get to be the Asshole.  Okay,  first step in this fun, little game is to ask myself the annoying therapist questions.  Ready?  This should be fun.  Let's see where this goes, shall we?  

What brings your here?    

I'm mad. 

What's making you mad? 

I don't know.  Everything.  Everyone.  Life. 

Why do you say "life?"  

Why do you ask stupid questions?

Why do you think they are stupid?  

Because.  

Because is not an answer.  

Because I don't know what my problem is.  Sometimes I get so far into my own head that I can see my ass and I still can't figure out how to get out.  I don't know how to let things go.

What do you want to let go of?

I want to let it all go.  I want to know that, no matter what, I'll be okay.  That I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be and I have no reason to be upset at anyone.

Then why are you upset?

You tell me?

Why would I know why you are upset?  I'm not you.  
(Technically, you are smart ass.)  I think I'm just upset with myself.  I'm upset that I've let myself get here again.   I'm upset that, no matter how hard I try, how many steps forward I take, how great things get, I can always take 10 steps back. 

So what are you going to do about?

I don't know.  I don't want to say "change it" because I've said that before. But what can I do?

Your best is all you can do.  Remember?

I remember.  

But you got to do something.

Okay.  

So are you really mad at your husband?  

No.
So what does that tell you?
That it's never about the person you are mad at.  

So why do you want to hit him?

I guess I don't.  

Yeah, you don't.  Do you want to hit yourself instead?

No. I'm too pretty to hit.  

Welcome back Andrea.  Welcome Back.  :)

He's talking to me.  :)